Let Your Heart Hold Fast
by SnarkWolf
Summary: Cam managed to survive his suicide attempt and he seems fine on the outside. But Maya's not buying it and wants him to get help before she loses him for good.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Degrassi fic. I'm still trying to work out the kinks, but I'll get it eventually. This is set after Bittersweet Symphony (1) and what could've happened if Cam survived. I know this has been done before, but I still want to have my own take on this. Enjoy!**

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_They found me. They found my slashed wrists, the pool of blood, and my eyes almost closed. Some people were walking around Degrassi and found me lying there inside, still conscious but bleeding a lot. Next thing I knew, I was lying in a hospital bed. My wrists were bandaged up and there were some medicines near me. What am I still doing here? I was supposed to go…_

As soon as Campbell woke up, the doctor had entered his hospital room.

"Well, Campbell. It looks like you cut an important artery in your wrist. Luckily, you didn't lose a lot of blood. It was a miracle that they found while you were still conscious. As soon as they brought you here, you were comatose. Your lacerations were quite deep so we needed to cauterize your wrists. A little later and it would've been too late. Why would you do that to yourself?" asked the doctor.

"Sigh. It's a long story, Doctor. Things haven't been going well for me." Cam replied.

"Did something happen, Campbell? There are many ways to deal with your troubles. But self-harm isn't one of them."

"I know, but lately I've been feeling lost and alone. I'm so far away from home, hockey practice is rough, and just recently, this guy told me I was psycho after I gave him a black eye because I felt like he was trying to steal my girlfriend from me. Normally, I wouldn't act like that. But I just couldn't keep in my anger."

"Violence towards others isn't really a good way to deal either. But my concern right now is how you're feeling lost and alone. How do you feel right now?"

"Doctor, I don't think I feel right. I feel really messed up."

"If that's what you're feeling, Campbell, then perhaps I can offer some help." offered the doctor, with much concern. He gave Cam a business card that read:

_Dr. Jeffrey Collins_

_Psychiatrist_

_4__th__ Floor, No. 47 Building, Corduroy Lane, Toronto _

_Tel no. 427-9371-8324_

"A psychiatrist?" the boy questioned.

"I hope I'm not offending you. But after hearing your issues, I think you need to be kept on track."

"I don't know, Doc. I do want to get better. But I'm not sure if therapy can help me."

"Well, okay. But just in case, I want you to keep that card. You never know."

"All right. I'll consider it." he answered as he put it in his bag.

"I'm glad you're considering this. By the way, somebody's here to see you."

When the doctor slowly opened the door, there was a blonde girl with glasses carrying a basket of flowers. Her eyes began tearing up when she saw that Cam was alive and breathing.

"Cam, you're okay…" she sniffled as she walked up to him and held his hand. Cam started to break down too as she kept holding it.

"Maya, I'm so sorry. Everything has been so—"

But before he could finish, Maya shushed him with a kiss and embraced him.

"Just tell me everything later, all right? Right now, I want to focus on the fact that you're okay."

Cam was speechless, but he nodded anyway. Maya sat next to him on his bed and cuddled up to him.

"So, how you were able to make it here? Shouldn't you be at school?" asked a curious Cam.

"The paramedics got a hold of your phone and called the number of the most recent missed call, mine. As soon as I got that call I had to wake up Katie and tell her to bring me here. When I got here, we had to practically beg the doctor to let me see you. We've been here since last night." revealed Maya.

"Really? You didn't have go through all that for me."

"Are you kidding? Are you saying I shouldn't be with the person I love in his time of need?"

"No! I never said tha— Wait. I'm the person you love?"

"Of course you are. I haven't told you yet?" asked the girl.

"No. Well, until now."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I love you, Maya."

This was Cam's first time to say, "I love you" to Maya. Knowing that, more tears rolled down on her face. She had just given him another kiss, a longer one, when Katie walked in.

"Hi. Is everything all right?" questioned the older Matlin girl.

"Everything's fine, Katie." replied her sister. Katie glanced at Cam's bandaged wrists and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness you're okay, Cam." said Katie as she sat on the nearby chair.

"Thank you, Katie."

"You know, the doctor said that they're going to release you after one more test. And since I called Simpson this morning telling him about what happened to you, he gave Maya and I the day off. Would you like to stay with us today?" asked Katie.

"Are you sure it's fine? I don't want to impose or anything." said Cam.

"It's perfectly fine, Cam. All we want right now is for you to feel okay." Maya answered happily.

"Well, in that case, sure, I'll stay at your place." said Cam.

After he finished the last blood test, Cam changed his clothes, fixed his things and hopped into the backseat of Katie's car, next to Maya.

"I don't know if I'm ready to tell Maya why I did that." Cam thought to himself as he held Maya's hand.

As soon as they reached the Matlin house, Katie, Cam and Maya made their way inside.

"Make yourself at home, Cam. Katie and I will get some food for us to eat." said Maya.

"Okay. Need any help?" he asked as he stood up.

"Um. No, thank you. We can handle it!" stammered Maya, smiling nervously as she sat Cam back down.

"Oh. All right then."

Maya then grabbed Katie's wrist and dragged her into the kitchen. When her boyfriend was out of sight, Maya's smile disappeared and she started to hyperventilate.

"Keeping that in was harder than I thought." admitted Maya.

"Are you sure you don't want to ask him yet? I mean, he looks like he's okay."

"Katie, they found him in the greenhouse bleeding his wrists out. He's had a long day. The last thing I want to do is to stress him out."

Katie understood where Maya was going with this. She too, also knew of Cam's issues.

"If you say so, Maya. But sooner or later, you're going to have to ask him. You have to know. You're his girlfriend."

"You're right, Katie. As soon as we're finished eating, I'll ask him."

Twenty minutes later, Katie and Maya set the table with some re-heated leftover steak and mashed potatoes with gravy.

"I hope you're okay with leftovers, Cam." assured Katie.

"Don't worry, it's fine. Thank you very much for the food."

The three sat down on the table and started to eat. Maya sat across Cam, pondering on what happened the night before.

"Cam, you can tell me anything. What happened?" she thought.

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**Author's note**

**So yeah, first chapter. Don't forget to review! Thanks! :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's Chapter 2. Sorry if it took so long. I've been busy with school stuff.**

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After the meal, Cam and Maya decided to go to the living room and watch some DVD's.

"So, Game of Thrones or Doctor Who?" asked Maya as held up two DVD sets.

"Well, I'd like to catch up on Doctor Who. Is that okay?"

"Yes, it's okay."

Maya put the DVD in the player and sat down next to Cam. Cam put his arm around Maya's shoulder. She couldn't help but notice his bandages.

"I don't think it's right to ask him yet. But even the thought of it is driving me nuts!" she thought to herself.

"Maya, is everything okay? You look tense." interrogated a concerned Cam.

"Oh. No, everything's okay. I just act up whenever I watch this episode." Maya replied rather apprehensively.

"Why is Maya acting weird? This isn't like her." Cam asked himself.

After a few more episodes, the young couple decided to retreat to Maya's room so Cam could watch her practice her cello.

"Hang on, I need to get my bag." commented Cam.

"It's okay. Go on ahead to my room. I'll get it for you."

Cam simply nodded and went ahead. Maya went to the living room and as she was getting her boyfriend's bag, she noticed that something had fallen out. She picked it up to see what it was.

"What the—"

It was the business card of the therapist that Cam's doctor had given him earlier. Maya was very confused and upset at this discovery. She knew her boyfriend had some troubles, but not these kinds of proportions. She quickly ran upstairs to her room to confront him.

"Cam, what the hell is this?" asked Maya as she held up the card.

Cam, looking nervous, pretended he didn't notice the card. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't you dare lie to me, Campbell Saunders! I found this on the floor near your bag."

"It's nothing, really." he lied again.

"Does this have something to do with your wrists?"

"Maya, can't you just let it go? This has nothing to do you!"

"So there is something up?"

"I can't talk about this with you! You wouldn't understand!" exclaimed Cam as he started to break down. His eyes were covered with tears and his face became quite red. Maya uncrossed her eyebrows and started to feel guilty about pressuring Cam. She knew she had crossed a line since this is the first time Cam had a nervous breakdown in front of her. She quickly hugged him.

"Cam, I'm so sorry if I was pushing you. I didn't mean to hurt you…" apologized Maya.

Cam sniffled and wiped some of his tears off. He gave Maya an embrace to signify that he was starting to calm down.

"No, Maya. I should be the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have blown up at you. If you want to know what's bothering me, then I can tell you, even if it's gonna hurt."

"You shouldn't have to do that, Cam. If it is going to hurt, then I can't force you."

"Maya, you're my girlfriend. And we shouldn't have the need to keep secrets from another. I don't want you to ever think that I don't trust you. I love you way too much."

The boy leaned in and gave his girlfriend a soft, tender kiss. Maya was left speechless; she was in a post-kiss catatonia. Cam held her hand as he began to reveal all. She gave him her full attention.

"Ever since I came back from Kapuskasing, everything went downhill pretty quickly. I totally lost my common sense when I thought Zig was trying to take you away from me. Then Dallas yelled at me for being selfish. When you let me spend the night here, I was so happy to just some spend time with you. Then the next day, while I was waiting to have lunch with you, Zig called me a psycho and told me that I should stay out your life. I thought it would just be easier for everyone if I was gone."

After hearing all that, Maya became teary-eyed and red like Cam's and held onto his hands tightly.

"Don't ever think that, Cam! No one's going to have an easy time when you're gone! You're better than you think you are. You're not alone. You have your family, even if they are far away. You have your friends, who like you for you. And you have me, the person who loves you the most in this world. There's so much in this lifetime waiting for you, Cam. I promise you, things will get better. Trust me."

Cam tucked Maya's hair behind her ears and started kissing her again. Maya gladly returned the kiss. The young girl wrapped her arms around her boyfriend's neck area, while the young man started to caress her face. This make-out session became so intense that they both fell on the floor. They started laughing at what happened and Cam pressed his forehead against Maya's.

"I love you, Maya." Cam whispered.

"I love you too, Cam." Maya responded. "I hope you're all right."

"That's all I want. But I don't know I can attain that."

"Well, the doctor gave you that card."

"Oh no. Maya, please tell me you're not seriously…"

"I am, Cam. Please, go see him. I don't want anything bad to happen to you again."

Cam took a deep breath and exhaled. "If it means that much to you, I'll go see Dr. Collins."

"Great. I'll tell Katie that we can bring you tomorrow."

"Okay." nodded Cam.

As Maya left her room to go look for Katie, Cam thought to himself:

"I really don't think it's a good idea to just rant out to some stranger with a PhD. But just the idea of disappointing Maya is more than I can handle. Sigh. I guess I have to take this like a man. I can do this. For Maya."

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**Author's note**

**Cam's probably going to see the doctor in the next chapter. I don't know much about psychology, but I'll try so I can write it better. Also, I have entrance tests coming up, so I'm taking a break. Stay tuned. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry if this took so long. I've been really busy lately. But the important thing is that I've finished Chapter. Basically, we meet the doctor himself and he's getting to know Cam first. I'd like to thank for the help. Also, I'm still very sad about Adam. **

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Later that night, Campbell stayed over at the Matlin house. Since Katie wouldn't allow it, he had to sleep in a sleeping bag on Maya's floor. But he didn't mind at all; as long as he got to be with Maya, he would be okay.

The next morning before school, Katie and Maya took Cam to building where he was to meet Dr. Collins.

"You ready, Cam?" asked Maya.

"I guess so." answered Cam, who was quite hesitant.

"Hey, don't worry. You'll be fine. Just keep your head up…"

"…And stick on the ice. Got it."

Maya kissed him and hugged him goodbye before leaving for school.

"I'll see you later at The Dot, okay?" the blond girl asked.

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too. You can do it, Cam."

The young man went inside the building and proceeded to the 4th floor. He went up to receptionist's desk to ask for an appointment.

"Excuse me, miss. I was wondering if Dr. Collins is in today. If he is, may I have an appointment with him, please?"

"He certainly is. And his schedule isn't very hectic today, so you'll be happy to know that he can accommodate you. In the meantime, please wait in the waiting area. I'll let him know you're here." assured the receptionist.

"Thank you, ma'am." Cam nodded.

"You're welcome. Hold on. May I have your full name, please?"

"Campbell Saunders."

"Okay, Mr. Saunders. You may proceed to the waiting area now."

Campbell took a seat on the couch and pulled out his iPad so he could watch some How I Met Your Mother while waiting.

Meanwhile, at Degrassi, Maya was getting some books from her locker when Zig appeared.

"Hey, beautiful." Zig flirted.

"Leave me alone, Zig. I have to get to class."

"Come on, Maya. Pay me a little attention."

"Zig, please. I have important things to attend to."

"Look, if this is about Cam, you can just rest easy. I told him not to bother you anymore. I bet he won't cause you any more trouble anymore. He's twisted."

This statement totally hit Maya's berserk button. She knew that Zig called Cam a psycho, but she decided to ignore Zig. That is, until he decided to talk about it more and try to talk her into dumping Cam. With that, she gave Zig an armor piercing slap to the face.

"Ow! Maya, what the hell was that for?' asked the taller boy.

"How could you be so insensitive, Zig? You have no right to interfere in my personal life! Cam's my boyfriend, not you! And how could you call him a psycho? That really hurt him."

"Pfft. What a drama king."

Maya slapped him again, this time leaving a mark.

"Ow! Stop doing that!"

"He tried to end it all because of what you said to him. They had to cauterize his wrists because the cuts were deep. He has serious issues and I have to stand by him. Right now, he's trying to get help. Happy?" said Maya as she started to cry.

Zig felt even more guilty. "Maya, I swear I didn't know…"

"Just give me some space, Zig. I don't think we should be talking for a while."

As Maya left to go to her class, Zig just stood there, full of sadness and guilt.

Back at the building, Cam had just finished the episode of HIMYM where Barney proposes to Robin.

"No matter how many times I watch this episode, it always makes me happy." he thought to himself.

The receptionist called his attention to confirm his appointment with Dr. Collins.

"Mr. Saunders, Dr. Collins is ready to see you."

Cam put away his iPad and went inside the office. A young man wearing a blazer was sitting inside. He had dark blonde hair, thick eyebrows, brown eyes, and didn't look a day over thirty.

"Good morning, Campbell." greeted the man.

"Morning, Doctor."

"Have a seat, son"

Cam nodded and sat down.

"So how are we today?" Dr. Collins asked.

"So far, nothing's bothering me, Doc. I feel relaxed."

"That's good, Cam. It'll be easier for us to talk if you're relaxed. There's nothing for you to worry about. My office is a safe place. Everything here will remain confidential, all right?"

"Got it."

"Okay, first things first, where do you go to school, Campbell?"

"Degrassi Community School, sir. I'm a sophomore."

"Where were you born and raised?"

"Kapuskasing."

"My, my. That's quite far from Toronto, isn't it?"

"It is, sir. My whole family is there. My dad, my mom, my older siblings and younger siblings, they're all there."

"So you came here to Toronto by yourself?"

"Yes."

"What for?"

"I'm a junior hockey player in the Toronto Ice Hounds. I got transferred to Degrassi so I could play. I'm considered one of the MVPs."

Dr. Collins wrote Cam's answers on his clipboard. "Ah, I see. Do you have any have other hobbies besides hockey?"

"Well, my other hobbies are drawing, playing video games, watching TV and anime, and reading comic books."

The doctor wrote on his clipboard. "All right. Do you have any favorite subjects in school?"

"I sort of like World History, English, and Biology."

"Any least favorites?"

"Not a big fan of Chemistry, Math, and French."

"Ah, yes. These subjects can sometimes work you up."

"I usually need a lot of help with these classes. Luckily, I have people to help me out."

"Would you consider these people your friends?"

"Very much, yes." the boy nodded.

"Who are your friends, Campbell?"

"Tori and Tristan, my classmates in 9th grade French. There's also my Chemistry tutor, Alli. And my girlfriend, Maya."

"I see you didn't mention your teammates. How are you with them?"

"Uh, I get along okay with our captain, Dallas. But the rest of my teammates sort of make fun of me."

Dr. Collins started to get worried once he heard Cam's teammates would harass him.

"They make fun of you? Why?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because I'm the smallest and the youngest, so it's easy?"

"Maybe they're just jealous, Cam."

"Jealous? What's there to be jealous?" scoffed Cam in disbelief.

"Like you said, you're considered an MVP in your team. And at the age of fifteen as well. That might the reason why they're jealous."

"Yeah, maybe." uttered Cam in a rather melancholy tone. Dr. Collins saw this and his concern grew a lot more.

"Is everything alright, Cam?"

Cam shook his head. "Not everything, Dr. Collins."

"Did something happen, Cam?"

"I tried to end it all" confessed Cam as he showed his scars to the doctor. The doctor was quite surprised at this sight.

"Oh dear. Why?"

Cam unrolled his sleeves. "I don't know if I can tell you everything, Doctor. A lot of things happened."

"I understand. I want to help you, Campbell. So, is it fine if we just build up to things? Is that okay?" assured the doctor as he rubbed Cam's shoulder.

Cam nodded. "Yeah, I think that would help."

"Alright, then. Let's begin with your move…"

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**Author's note**

**- To be honest, I feel this chapter's a little half empty. I'll make sure Chapter 4 will clear it up a bit.**

**- Also, I don't want to jump in immediately to the attempt. Time should be given.**

**- And I may need a little more help. **


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